I often have clients ask me questions similar to “Maybe my trauma isn’t bad enough?” or “Maybe it isn’t really traumatic and I just need to get over it.” These are similar in that both statements question the validity of the person’s experience.
If you have experienced a trauma, that trauma is personal and valid. There isn’t a bar that you have to meet to allow yourself to feel the emotions that you feel. You have the right to feel that way for as long as you need. The questions above come from the idea that we often see so much tragedy through the media and the lives around us. Between the shootings, violent acts and natural disasters, people can start to minimize their trauma. There is violence in the world, but that doesn’t make your experience less important.
Each event we experience is unique for two reasons. First, it is viewed from your specific lens which is colored by your individual experiences. Second, everyone processes experiences differently. Our brain collects fragments of information from our daily experiences. Then, based on how our brain organizes that information combined with our previous similar experiences will determine how our brain responds to the current incident.
An example of this process could be viewed through two people that are involved/witness in an accident. Even though they both experience the exact same event, their perception of what happened could be very different. This is because their perspective of what they saw could be affected by their past experiences. Then, how their brain organizes and processes that information could determine their view of that event later on.
The benefit of this process is that the brain is not set in stone. It is always learning and changing. This is a process we call neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity allows the brain to heal from trauma. A perfect example of this is childhood trauma. If we experienced significant emotional abuse as a child, it is common to carry those wounds into adulthood. People often demonstrate behaviors indicative of low self-esteem, poor boundaries and feelings of a worthlessness. However, by working through these issues (especially with a trauma therapist), people will develop an awareness. This awareness leads to insight which can change those behaviors to lead a healthier, happier life. These healthier behaviors rewire the brain so when you encounter a similar choice you are more likely to pick the more emotionally healthy option.
So, how can I help myself heal?
1. Give yourself a break. When the traumatic incident is over, the focus is often on the initial physical and emotional toll endured during the incident. However, there is a long emotional healing process that doesn’t start until that initial period is over. Give yourself the time you need to heal.
2. Validate your experience. Often any fear, shame or guilt that you experienced during your trauma can linger. This can result in you convincing yourself your emotions are less true, or not as important. This can slow your progress. Be as kind to yourself, as you would to a loved one if they went through the same experience. Often times we are harder on ourselves than we are on others.
3. Focus on self-care. In our society, we have become conditioned to pushing ourselves until we drop. Listen to your body. Especially if you have been through a trauma, take time to be kind to yourself. Relaxation/breathing exercises, staying hydrated, taking walks, listening to music, take a warm bath, speaking kindly to yourself and getting extra sleep are just some examples of ways to take care of yourself.
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If you would like further information on trauma treatment, would like to schedule a free 15 minute consultation or are interested in scheduling an appointment to see a PTSD counselor, call or contact me.